Guest Blogger - Beth Bivins

On Saturday we held Activate, our 2nd annual small groups conference, where we equip our small group leaders with the resources to successfully lead their groups.  Since groups are all about relationships, our best resources are our people.

Beth Bivins is a small group member who started attending Celebrate Recovery in the Spring.  Beth shared her life-change testimony with our small group leaders, bringing many to tears, including me.  I was so impacted by Beth's story that I asked her to share it with you.  Here is her testimony of recovery and support found in Celebrate Recovery and through her small group. 

     "I am a grateful believer in Jesus Christ and I suffer from self esteem, food addiction, confidence, rejection, fear, guilt and shame and for many years I thought no one cared..  For years I have felt broken, unwanted, unloved and hopeless.  These feelings have festered like wounds.    I tell myself that these things are the reason that I have had risky and harmful behaviors, the reason that I have had many sexual encounters, the reason that I overeat, the reason that my self esteem has been nonexistent.   I was an unwed mother at 17 years old in high school,   I endured and survived abuse in my first marriage,     I have raised 3 children alone, I have so many stories I could tell you of hurts. I have dealt with  shame and guilt that I felt from my family after having my son and which sent me into years of depression with  low self esteem.            

            All these hangups, habits and hurts made me retreat from God and the world.  I hid behind a mask that made me feel empty and alone. When I attended my first Celebrate Recovery group I was very skeptical and the next day told my colleagues at work  and my small group leader that I would not return to another meeting. My small group leader sent me a long email encouraging me to try again and broke down the obstacles that I put in front of myself and the excuses I made.  But the next week, I was back.  As I sat and listened to the lives of the women that I was among I felt accepted.  I felt a sense of relief coming over me each week as I walked into that room….knowing that I could remove the mask I had long hidden behind.  I didn’t have to try to prove anything to anyone.  I didn’t have to pretend that everything was ok and that I was fine.  I didn’t have to do anything but be myself and for that I was accepted and welcomed with open arms and loving hugs.   I have been in therapy for years trying to break down the walls and barriers that I put up for myself.  I found myself responding to these hangups, habits and hurts and accepting myself for who I am in CR ….. something I couldn’t do in therapy.  Being able to share my thoughts no matter what they are without fear was comforting.  Each week I feel blessed with my fellow CR friends as they reach out to me with a hug, or to just listen, or to check on how I am doing.  I will forever be grateful for finding this group and know that I will continue to grow in the presence of my friends, confidants and sisters that sincerely care about me.  If I am down they are a phone call away and I am so grateful to them and NHC for offering this wonderful program.  It has changed my life and I know it will continue to impact me and my hangups, habits and hurts.  I don’t worry as much as I use to.  I feel comfortable speaking and sharing my life’s experiences, yes, even the bad ones in open share.  Everyone has a story and it is amazing that each week I listen and can relate to something that someone else says.  One time or another, we all suffer from various things that disrupt or interfere with our daily lives.  One week it may be jealousy and the next it may be anger.  I may have problems trying to relate those exact feelings and someone else just nails it on the head and you agree and admit that is what is wrong. It is a judgment free zone. Each week a new revelation about myself emerges.  When I see others in pain it makes me realize how much I have to be grateful for.   We work on ourselves from the inside out.   It is a growing experience and changes, which means that we change…..but as the creed goes “to accept the things I can not change and the wisdom to know the difference.”   CR works, the people make it work and make you better.  Give it a try."

Beth Bivins

 

Comments

[Beth]

Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share. Though I don't know you, just from reading your post I have a great respect for you. I can also tell you have an inner strength and I realize that must come from Jesus Christ. Thank you for reminding me where my inner stregth is as well.